The unspoken rules of a black female are:
1. Never let anyone see you cry. Pray, Smile, and Keep moving as if nothing is wrong.
2. If someone hurts you, don't give them the satisfaction of knowing that they hurt your feelings. Pray,
smile, and keep moving as if nothing is wrong.
3. If you are upset, in pain, having a bad day, etc. Pray, smile, and keep moving as if nothing is wrong. 4. Keep your problems and your business to yourself. If you are going through things; pray, smile, and
keep moving as if nothing is wrong.
5. Be strong! Which really takes care of every rule. Always pray, smile, and keep moving as if nothing
is wrong.
As a black female, I was raised to do the above. I was raised that no matter what, pray, smile, and keep it moving. So thinking back, I was never taught how to deal with feelings. I was taught that you really don't deal with feelings/emotions, you just keep living, you just keep moving. So instead of dealing with disappointment, hurt, anger, pain, etc. I kept moving.
I kept moving when someone hurt my feelings, when someone said something out the way to me, when I didn't get what I wanted, when I was disappointed. Looking back, I thought I had kept it moving, when in fact, I had stuffed the feelings, I stuffed the hurt, I stuffed the disappointment, I stuffed everything with food.
Well, I am tired of always smiling and pretending that things don't bother me, that my feelings aren't hurt, that nothing is wrong. I am ready to deal with things. Now, this is the hard part.................. How do I deal with these feelings? After I wrote yesterdays blog, I found myself standing in my fridge, looking for my medication (food). I recognized what I was doing, and I closed the fridge door, put on my gym clothes and went to Zumba class. I was about to surpress the feelings that arose after I admitted that I was molestated by a female babysitter when I was a child.
How do you break 35 years of training? How do you learn to deal with pain, hurt, disappointment????
The answer to that question is to continue doing what you're doing. Don't quit, stay focus, and lead on the people that love you. The hard part is over, just enjoy the ride...
ReplyDeleteAnd get your ZUMBA on....lol
How do you break 35 years of training?........the same way you got there! One day at a time!
ReplyDeleteYes, I agree with Robert. These "rules" are collectively a lifestyle and a way of thinking. Changing how you think happens one thought at a time. You are already on the right path! The fact that you are communicating your thoughts through writing emphasizes the new lessons you (we) are learning and help to take the place of the old thoughts.
ReplyDelete