The promise

Well, my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. The cancer had spread to his brain. Doctor's gave him 9 months at most to live and said that they would not be a good 9 months. This was hard to digest, I was numb. Once my dad got home, I remember three things he said to me: 1. No matter what, I am going to be just fine, and you will be too. I know exactly what he meant. He meant that if he died he was going to Heaven and he would be just fine, and if he lived he would be just fine. He also meant that he had raised me and taught me all he could and I would be just fine. 2. He said, "it's the fourth quarter now, we aren't going to lose this game, it's just starting." My dad was a retired head football coach. He played sports all his life, went to college on a football scholarship, so sports talk was his thing. 3. He told me that he had a praying Grandma who taught him how to pray.

The doctor's gave him 9 months, he out lived that. Well his illness felt more like a roller coaster ride than anything else. It was full of emotional up's and down's. After his first few months of treatment, the doctor's were amazed. He was cancer free, and during his treatments (brain radiation and chemo) He didn't get sick or weak like they said he would. My dad changed his diet, he gave up diary, beef, pork, my mom juiced for him daily. He exercised, he took natural herbs, vitamins, he did all he could to feel good.

Me on the other hand, I ate through the pain, I ate throught the up's and the down's. You see, he was cancer free, then three months later he went back for a check-up and the cancer was back. He under went treatment again, he came out of treatment cancer free. Then........ I think you see the pattern.

After maybe a year of having cancer, then being cancer free, then finding out it was back (horrible cycle) I had gained about 40-60lbs. My dad noticed and was in tears when he spoke to me about it. He told me that he was worried and that he couldn't sleep at night thinking about something happening to me. He told me that he needed me to be here to look out for my mom when he left and he was scared that I was going to die before him. He also told me that he couldn't die yet because he was worried about my brother and I. On that day he and I made a promise. I promised him I would lose weight only if he promised me he wouldn't die. Well, yes, I get it, I know his dying wasn't up to him or me. He knew that too. He promised me that he would keep doing all he could to fight his cancer, and I promised to lose weight..........

I have cried through this entire post. My shirt has tear stains on it. I miss my daddie(this is how I said his name) more than words could ever describe, I still have an empty spot in my heart that I know will never go away. He was so much too me.

Since it's the summer I have more free time so I will post sooner.
Later

Well......... he was right.