Reality Hit

Well, "That Lady" told me that I should not deprieve myself, because that sends me into binges. So, I didn't deprieve myself. Actutally, I did well for a while. I didn't binge, I didn't take laxatives, I didn't throw up, I didn't do anything extreme. I guess I was somewhat normal for a little while.

While I was NORMAL, my head was clear. I wrote in a journal (another suggestion from the lady), and I organized my life. Boy was it a mess! Those binges were expensive, buying clothes to fit my body because of the binges were expensive. All the shoes, purses, jewlrey, and food had added up! Hell, I didn't realize it, but I was in DEBT! Looking back, in one of my journals, I had spent in one day $150.00 just on food. (And there were plenty of days that I did this, I just didn't document it) WHOA! At this point in my life I don't spend that on food in two weeks! In one day, I spent roughly $150.00 bucks. That is INSANE! Okay, you can close your mouth now. I went to Mrs. Winners for an early breakfast and had two steak biscuits, and a cinnimon swirl. Then, I met my buddy BG around 1030AM at Ihop and I had an omlet with pancakes. When I left there I went to the grocery store, where I purchased, chips, cookies, etc. and spent roughly 25.00. (Yes, I ate all the junk before I went to bed). For lunch, around 200PM, I went to the Corner Cafe and had wings, all flats with onion rings and a drink. Afterwards, I went into Shannon Mall and bought 2 double dooizes from the cookie company ( I finished them off before I made it back home). That evening, Shona and I went to Long Horn where I had an appetizer, and a ribeye steak meal, with fried cheesecake. Yeap, sit and total it all, you will get rougly $150.00. Sad part is.......... I had a lot of days like this. Well, these binges over the course of a few years, plus the cost of the doctor's visits to get my drugs, plus the cost of new clothes, to fit my body.(Cause everybody know's Nicole likes clothes at any size and hates wearing the same thing) put me in a bind. It wasn't until I got clean that I realized the other side effects of my drug. I was in debt. We are talking real debt. I had department store credit cards, I had major bank credit cards, that added up to the tune of over 25,000 bucks. Yeap.

Well, I was in school, and for my doctoral degree I had to take out student loans. The IRS has never been my friend. I had a car note, hosptial bills, mortgage, and major credit card bills. No wonder I stayed high on my drug (food)! With a clear mind I was able to see the damage I had done.

How the heck was I going to fix this mess. Well, I did it the only way Nicole Anderson Keith knew how. I used Nicole's logic. I went to the extreme.