Well I returned from Hilton Head to discover that my dad had been placed in at home Hospice. When I got to the house, I found him to be weak and pretty much zoned out. They placed him in a hospital bed in our home. He fought in that bed none stop, pulling, twisting, tugging, turning.......... I sat in the room with him pretty much the entire time. He had to be watched because he would pull his oxygen out his nose.
I am not going to drag this post out because it is just painful. My dad turned 70 years old on July 3rd, he passed on the morning of July 4th. I was standing next to his bed holding his hand when he took his final breath.
I was numb that is probably the only emotion I had. Reality really took a minute to sink in. But when it did finally sink in it hit me hard.
I was angry, I was hurt, I was mad....... it wasn't fair. On the outside, I attempted to put on my brave face, but on the inside, I cried daily. Nights were hard. I turned to my best friend food to numb the pain.
Food helped me numb the pain. I would eat, and eat, and eat until I literally didn't feel anymore. I forgot all about the deal my dad and I made. I remember one night yelling at my dad because he lied to me........ he promised me he wouldn't go anywhere. I know it sounds silly, I get that it wasn't up to him, but hey I was hurting..........
I stopped going to the gym, I cancelled my personal training sessions, I ignored the fact that I was a diabetic, and my health turn a turn for the worse.
My blood sugar was so out of control, that my doctor put me on insulin. Well, I had trouble with insulins, I mean trouble! I was allergic to just about every insulin I tried. I broke out in hives, I still have the scares. The doctor tried at least four different types of insulins, and everytime I used a new insulin, I would break out in these huge red hives, that itched and burned like you wouldn't believe. It itched so bad that it brought tears to my eyes.
Cher actually found an insulin that worked for me. Thank God one of my dearest friends is a pharmacist. I wasn't taking care of myself at all. My blood pressure was really bad, my cholestorol was horrible, my blood sugar was EXTRA HIGH even with my insulin, my A1C was 12, which means that my blood sugar was in the high 200's low 300's on a daily basis. This is very dangerous. I am now surprised that I didn't go into a coma.
Well, not only was my health bad, work was even worse. This was my first full year as principal and things were stressful........ the finicial books were a mess, my office manager and I were afraid we were going to get fired... Family life was bad, everyone was sad, my mom was so depressed she was losing weight.... My boyfriend and I finally called it quits. While my life was over in my mind....
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