This is a size small from the juniors department
I have reached my goal size. I have never in the history of losing weight actually gotten to a size and wanted to stop.
Other people around me have told me that I was at a good size but I didn't see it. I thought I needed to keep losing and honestly a little part of me still does. Okay, I am lying a huge part of me still does.
Yesterday, I went into Victoria Secret to get a strapless bra. I was on the phone with Shona when I walked into the store. I said to the sales lady, "I need a black strapless bra, no push-up, size 38B. Shona corrected me and said you don't wear that size. I was like yes I do, I told her B cup. Shona was like your back is not a 38. I was like oh yeah you are right. Being that I had just gotten measured for a correct size bra, I knew the right size, I just wasn't use to being that size. I corrected the size to the lady, which is a 36B, but when I got home, put on the bra I had to hook the 36B on the last hook.
After leaving VS I went into Macy's to exchange a black jumpsuit and a shirt I had bought out of the juniors department. I HATE trying on clothes. I didn't realize I could fit stuff out of the juniors department. I was actually walking past the department on my way out of the mall and saw this nice jumpsuit, I looked at it and was like, I probably could wear this in an extra large. I looked at it and was like this looks big, so I looked at the large. When I got to the register the lady told me they ran big and she thought I need a small. I told her no ma'am there was no way I could wear a small in juniors, so I got a medium. While at the register I saw this one sleeve shirt. I asked for it in a large, she was like I really think you could wear the small or med, but she gave me the large shirt.
When I got home I tried them on, the jump suit was tooooo big and so was the shirt. I went back the next day and exchanged and also bought two other cute maxi dresses off the rack in the juniors department. All items were a size small.
Got home tried everything on and looked at the tag of the cute pink dress that I had on. The size was a xs/s. It hit me........ like a ton of bricks. I know this sounds silly but I had to sit down in my chair. Then I started thinking. I wear a solid size 6, and in the loft I can fit a size 4 if it is curvy. I never in my life thought I would be able to wear a size 4/6.
As I sit and take this all in, I think about this long hard journey to get here. I think of the people in my life who helped me get here and I thank God for giving me the strength to do this and for putting the following people in my life:
Cherilyn- She is my logic for when I start doing crazy stuff like working out 3 days a week and trying to live off 800 calories. She reminds me of crazy, foolishness I have tried in the past and she isn't scared to get in my ass when I am doing something just stupid.
Jade- She is my 1st cousin who is more like my sister. Will tell me I am stupid at the drop of a damn, and will always remind me of what is really important. She also reminds me to stop trying to control things because it's not up to me it is up to God.
Rod- When I worry about eating something that I have deemed off my program, he has taught me that it is really okay to eat a cookie or a chip as long as I remember that I am in control. He has also taught me to ignore ignorant people who tell me that I am too skinny because I am not too skinny, I am healthy.
Robert-Has kept me focused on my workouts. Has really pushed me to build muscle and to stop running everyday and to use weights. He has also been on me about the importance of continuing to workout.
Mom- Just everything. God blessed me with a wonderful mom. I could write forever!
Brandon-Straight moral and nutrition support. My first cousin who I have spent hours discussing raw food diets, vegan diets, exercise, etc. with.
Shona- Just standing by me no matter what! Going through my closet and taking my clothes as they got too big to the consignment shop because I am lazy. Going through my closet and taking things with tags out and driving me to the mall and making me return them. I love shopping.......
Chari- My office manager my close friend who reminded me to eat, who listened to my fears, who cheered me on and supported me.
Julie- The best damn trainer I have ever met. Kept pushing me to do more, made me up my calories, made me work on the fear of eating, who has coached me on protein and nutrition and the importance of building muscle. Who isn't afraid to tell Nicole no. I have worked with a few trainers in the past, and none of them have come close to what she does. She is about the business of truly helping people reach their goals. I thank her more than she will ever know.
Kisa- My voice of reason and logic. Kisa helps keep me from getting to OCD, she reminds me to chill and to relax.
Madison- My 15 year old niece, who has helped me more than she will ever know. She has encouraged me so much. Reminded me that it's okay to treat myself because I have to live. She was with me the day I ran my first 5k. She cheered me on the entire way. She has even volunteered to run my next race with me.
Naima- Who actually started crying when she saw me for the first time and I had lost 80lbs. She said, "omg Nicole you look like you did when we first met." Naima always tells me how beautiful I am and is always so loving. Those of you who know me know that I don't think I am as pretty as people tell me. Naima has helped me learn to deal with the compliments I get daily and has taught me to except them. I am still working on excepting them.
There are other people but the people above aren't afraid to tell the know it all, control freak to chill the hell out. Most people don't have the courage to tell me the God's honest truth because I am Dr. Nicole Keith who tells others what to do and who on the surface appears to have it all together. These people don't give a flip about my title, they honestly see me as Nicole. I love this because people who know me know I HATE being known as a title. Which is why in my personal life I have a fit if somebody I consider a friend refers to me as anything other than Nicole.
This post is long! I will get back on track with my story soon. Being that it is summer I will have more time and I will post more.
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